I am going to die

And just like that, out of nowhere, it happened: I had this epiphany where all of sudden I could see everything with an appalling clarity: I am going to die.

But please, before feeling sorry and start experiencing pity, am I sensing pity here? let me tell you something: I am not the only one.

We all are. yourself included, yes, we all are going to die. haven´t you thought about that?

To be honest, I never gave too much thinking to the subject, in fact, I wasn´t even aware of what it meant, until last night; last night when this awareness hit me like a thunderbolt. And knowing (really knowing) that I am going to die has given me a sense of relief that I haven´t had in a long time, isn´t that beautiful?

Isn´t breathtaking the fact to finally be aware of the only certainty we have in life? I AM GOING TO DIE and I am so happy and joyful for it because if “I am going to” die, that means that I am still ALIVE, yes, I AM LIVING, I still possess that precious gift called “life” in me, and being aware of it fills me with so much joy that is impossible not to pour all these tears flowing from my heart.

Now I have two facts, two true facts: Being the first one that I am going to die, and the second one that in this very precise moment, I am living. So I have the now to play with those two variables and decide what to do with them, as the alchemist playing with his available tools in his magical workshop.

If I am going to die, I can´t seem to find the point in worrying about if my dog ate his food this morning or not (trust me, it happened, a thousand times), if I am going to die is there any reason in getting preoccupied about what I will make for dinner tonight or getting stressed about the couple of pounds (tbh is kilos, couple of kilos), that I feel I need to get rid of?

If I know for sure that I am going to die, why am I thinking now about if tomorrow morning instead of sun what is going to kiss me in the face is the pouring rain?

This epiphany was so enlightening, this sudden awareness of life that hitted me, I can´t think of something else but like it was a God given gift.

Finally I could understand and breathe what a lot of masters preach about “the now”, finally I came to peace with this crazy mind of mine and I could say shhhh to it and enjoy the silence of the seconds or the sweet music of the wind caressing the trees in the distance.

I am going to die, that is for sure, I should get this sentence tattooed in my soul, so I will appreciate every step on the way because as every other human being, I tend to forget what really matters and today what matter is that I AM ALIVE.

(21-III-2021 Spring equinox)